Adore. Love. Frustration. Hate.
Whenever I caught a glimpse of you, looking in my direction, even though it might not be me, even though in just a second long eye contact. But still, it never failed to make me feel full of myself.
And I keep repeating the same cycle, over and over again. And again and again, I’m there, fighting myself, my feeling by myself without letting no one knows it. I believe to none to convey and share this feeling that have been growing in me like a cancer. Though medicine, chemo and operation might slow it down, hold it in, it’ll still keep growing and never meets the end. At least not when you’re still in front of me. Trust me, you’ll never know it. Cause it’s hidden in the deepest and darkest place where ‘a light’ like you cannot reach it. Not until you feel the same way too. Which is most likely, it’ll be “NEVER”.Because you, you’re way too far. Far from what I yearn, far from what I am, in my simple quiet life.
If I manage to move on from you, then I’ll post another entry like this.
Over thinking. It leads to too much destroy and lost in your life. It is mind aching, health consuming and a waste of time. But you know what, when things became a habit, it’s hard to change. Not even you’re fully move on, other problems and difficulties come and there you, stuck.
Do what makes you happy and LEARN to ALWAYS forgive yourself FIRST.
Never afraid to make mistakes. From there, bits by bits you can practice. It is some kind of vain to forgive yourself, but that’s how you appreciate your existence. Vain is just a word, created by people who’re jealous for the happy life that you’re blessed with.